Happiest while we growing

There’s an air of wonderment whenever a thought manifests into reality. How did hoping, wishing, and praying (if you’re a spiritual person) make this happen? Or, if looking at life from multiple perspectives, maybe coming realities are in the works for a while and when we allow ourselves the time and space for thought, we find understanding in life as it unfolds. 

Either way, this past year has been filled with a nagging realization that despite an era of achievement, dissatisfaction and unfulfillment murmur underneath the surface of it all. It was more fulfilling chasing a degree, a six-figure job, and buying a house than actually leveraging the degree to earn an opportunity, or realizing the new salary doesn’t stretch as far as expectations for it did, or that a house comes tethered to a list of adult burdens. 

There is a body of research supporting the notion we are happiest progressing toward goals than in the stillness that follows achieving them. There’s a tendency to think we’ll be happier in the future, at the apex of whatever work-in-progress we’re striving to achieve, compared to the present. However, this is a common fallacy. Life is laid out in milestones, one after another. Immediately, the present becomes the past and likewise what we’ve long admired for the future is eventually past, too. All too quickly the enigma of the future is realized and behind us. 

This dissatisfaction with the present, or the current state of things, shows up in the workplace in many ways. Kathryn Minshew, cofounder and the CEO of The Muse, terms the feeling of regret 72% of The Muse survey respondents experienced after starting a new job “Shift Shock”. How long do we remain in the bliss of achievement (landing a new job, in this case) before it fades? The Muse found 80% of survey respondents believe it’s ok to leave a job within six months of joining if the job does not meet their expectations. Often, these feelings begin seeping in after just one month. The season of job seeking and interviewing is full of milestone progression, one interview and then another; it’s rapid growth. The offer is worthy of celebration. The reality of the new role, sometimes manifested for years, often falls flat of expectation.

Throughout growth, we idealize future expectations, what we hope to manifest, materialize, or otherwise gain. Not all expectations originate from the same place, i.e. one’s own mind. Being mindful of who you are and what you want to be creates a certain set of beliefs which are sourced differently from the expectations placed upon us by others, directly or indirectly. Directly, when friends, parents, or others tell us what we should do or how we should consider living. Indirectly, when we see first-hand how others are living and allow that to influence our own decisions, even if it deters us from true happiness. 

What has become clear, at least to me, many areas of growth, were nurtured from lust, not love. Lust, by (platonic) definition, is a strong desire toward something. We lust after expectation, feeling a blissful high when meeting or exceeding the expectation, and then experience a deflation of happiness because life feels normal once again. Lust is at the heart of this delta between expectation and reality.

We owe it to ourselves to contemplate wants and desires from true self-derived expectations that reflect authentic happiness. Growth is easy to come by, happiness is often more difficult to cultivate. However you grow, do so intentionally and be happy.